At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Every concussion has its silver lining
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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