i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
