what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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