How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
