It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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