I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
