Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
