I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
