i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
