You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
