For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
