Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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