you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
