It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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