So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
