she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
