i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
