I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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