You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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