I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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