I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
