take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize