your parents love me but you hate me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
