The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
