Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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