woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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