i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
