Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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