This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
