Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
