Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have post one night stand depression
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