from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
