we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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