Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Randomize
