I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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