The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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