Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
