Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
