How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
