mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
as a side note pls kill me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
