Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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