mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
