I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The best revenge is premature balding
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
