So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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