So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
