Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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