I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
