I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
