And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
