OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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