Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
