You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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