My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize