I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
