is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
