Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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