her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
