i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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