I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
