I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
