you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
