Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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