Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
