I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
